Wedding’s are a special and beautiful event. They bring together two people who want to share their lives forever. Family and friends come to celebrate their love. Preparing for a wedding can be equally exciting and stressful. At the core of making a wedding successful is complete alignment between the couple and the family. Without a vision and clear communication, the couple and their families may become stressed with the process.
My years of experience
My masters degree in counseling and over 26 years of deejaying weddings and helping couples plan have shown me how anxiety, anger, frustration and sadness overcome couples. Many wedding turn out well, but it comes at the cost of intense preparation and many effective talks. Either way, it can be easy for negative feelings to outshine the good ones.
What I’ve noticed about couples who have higher stress levels in planning their weddings is that their parents and families aren’t in line with the couple’s vision. As a result, the whole process more difficult than it needs to be. Family dynamics are in full force and the couple tends to take on the responsibility of trying to please everyone and putting aside their own happiness and wants.
A quick story
I was once at a coffee shop signing a contract with a bride and groom. As we were packing up, I overhead a woman speaking to her mother about an event she was planning. She was speaking about the event as if it were a birthday or anniversary party for the mother. It was clear that the woman was choosing her words very carefully and asking her mother for advice on the venue and people to hire, and then she started talking about the officiant she wanted to hire.
That’s when it hit me that she was planning a wedding. And not the mother’s wedding, but her own wedding. The mother was not pleased with any of the woman’s decisions and abruptly left the table go buy coffee. When the mother left, I asked the woman if she was planning a wedding, and she said yes. She confided in me that she was having a difficult time getting her mother on board with her plans. Perhaps her mother was paying for the wedding? No. She described the type of wedding she would want and what she described was not even close to what she had been discussing with her mother. I wished her good luck and gave her my DJ business card.
This is a perfect example of how many brides and grooms feel pressure to please their parents and family. The pressure and input from the family can get so strong that it often causes animosity, resentment, anger, frustration and many tears.
Tips for preparing for a wedding
Talking to families about wedding expectations are really important. First and foremost, make sure you have this conversation as a couple.
- Create a joint vision for your wedding. While preparing for your wedding, share any wants you have about your wedding. They can be as big or small in detail. Discuss any cultural, spiritual or family traditions you may want included. Also, have a talk about having family and friends involved and to what capacity. Most importantly, work as a team and know when to meet in the middle.
- Discuss a budget. Once you have a shared vision, and you have begun preparing the budget, you can scale it up or down depending on your budget. If you are going to ask for or accept money from family make sure to clarify if there are any strings attached in the details of the wedding. It is better to have this agreed upon up front.
- Share your joint vision with the ones who matter. If you want family and friends involved, then let them know how they can help. You can also let them know that you are open to their feedback but all choices will be made by the couple. Be prepared for possible pushback on your ideas for your wedding.
Remember that your family and friends are excited and just want to help and be a part of preparing for your special day. At the end of the day, it’s a celebration of love. Maintain that common goal and your wedding will have many more highs and less moments of stress.
These are a few tips to help you get started on planning your special day. For more information or assistance you can visit my contact page.